1:42 PM - Thursday, December 17, 2009
Was packing my things at home and i rediscovered some very old letters and gifts. They brought back many memories, good and bad, happy and sad. These people brought joy and laughter to my world and their little random acts of thoughtfulness touched my heart. They made me smile when i was at my lowest, and never left me especially when i was in need. All these little things make me feel like the luckiest person alive and i have no more to ask.
Beside those merry gifts, letters and photos, were old unhappy stuffs. I cant actually say all are unhappy things, but they brought back memories that should no longer exist. Those things, those people, made me smile, made me cry, made me angry, insecure, upset.. Aroused hatred and fear. Family, friends, relationships, people who came on too strong.
4years ago, this guy fell so deeply and i tried to stop it but i couldnt. So the best was to avoid and this hurt him so much. 3 years ago, the same thing happened with another person, and again last year. From then on i thought i should become more fierce and mean and all so that nobody would like me haha! I wondered why i kept causing hurt to people and why people would hurt me too. I hoped that nobody would fall for me anymore cus im so tired of not doing anything and having the person suddenly confessing and me being at a loss.
You know why? Cus it sucks. It sucks having to behave or say things according to their emotions to minimise the impact. It sucks when friends become an awkward silence. It sucks when i wonder why i have to care so much, and why they have to also. Come on im just ordinary, leave me alone.
I hate people who play with my feelings. If you're not serious, just f off and get a life somewhere else. Dont waste my time. For these people, i've said it, just get lost.
For the others, im sorry but its over and its time to move on. All's faded and gone, no point keeping such materials when there's no longer any meaning. You didnt treasure what you had, blame yourself.
Now im left with what i chose to keep or be with. It's just you and me. It's just my family, friends and you. Im still the lucky girl i always thought i'd be. (:
